Brendan Lee

It's hard to come to terms with the loss of Blair. Harder still to come to accept that he took his own life. He could have gone out with some freak skate accident trying to ollie the Block City set, or taking too much acid, or even crashed his unregistered car whilst thinking up his next work of art, but he didn't. He went out quietly and silently as all those who visited him in hospital would have seen. A big quiet guy. I've known Blair since we were kids. One day he showed up at my friend Smile's house to skate the crappy ramp we built. We must have been about 16 at the time and we'd all heard about this Blair kid who hangs out with the Prahran and Geelong skaters. He must be a really good skater we thought. Then when he showed up following a rumour of a ramp we welcomed him in. He had a roll or two with Gav Fisher and cordially thanked us and left. (if memory serves me well I heard one of them say 'this is shit', but I could be wrong). A bit later that year a new skatepark was built called Rivers Edge in Geelong. We'd gotten pretty good at skating fairly quickly and had taken to riding all the new parks that were springing up about 1990. So we made it to Rivers Edge on the way home from somewhere. Smile's mum had a huge VHS video camera so we shot some footage at some point of the park, but maybe not on that day. We had a skate of the park and I was a bit tentative and lacked confidence in 'performing' for the crowds that watched each of the ramps. I remember looking up and seeing Blair up on the railing of the capsule bowl with Travis Pertzel and Tas Pappas. He pointed down at me and said proudly 'watch this guy, he's from Melton'. He then called out for me to do my signature trick over the spine ramp...I can't remember ever doing a nose-blunt over a spine before (a spine is two ramps joined together back to back like an upside down V), but Blair gave me the confidence to try it...I didn't make the first one but did on the second. It was the first time I think that anyone had seen one of them done and they all let out a huge cheer....this is what inspired me to get better and push myself beyond the safety level that I'd always sat behind. Eventually Blair and his mum moved into my street and we got to hang out every day skating and picking up girls...(or fending off the ones Blair set up for me). The older we got the more daring we became...It seemed obvious to us that we were going to become artists and by the time we left high school we'd convinced each other that when we gave up skateboarding we would pump all of that energy into art...well, we did, but what we didn't count on was returning to skateboarding when our bodies couldn't take the adult punishments we were giving them.

Probably about 1993 Blair started smoking way too much weed. He vanished from our radars and would only emerge at stoner parties or when Professional skaters did a tour of Australia. I did my part as a friend to try and break him out of that awful cycle, but was met with hostility at every meeting. My mentor and good friend had abandoned me for a group of friends who he could listen to the Doors with. I felt rejected and went to school in Ballarat (seeing a girl there played a part in it too). A lot of Melton and Werribee skaters were making the trek to Ballarat on weekends and it wasn't long before Blair finally resurfaced (he must have been annoyed at not knowing what we were up to). We had a drunken party up there one weekend and Blair confronted me about our eroded friendship. Whist still sober he confided that he'd deliberately avoided me all this time because I represented the end of his stoner binge. I was a symbol of self conscience and responsibility that he didn't want to have to deal with yet. He wanted to stay irresponsible and a fee spirit. We hugged and stayed friends since. Whilst reliving my past I've come to recollect him say a few things along similar lines recently. He feared commitment in his later years and would often tell me about how he didn't want his youth to end. He fell in love easily and feared looking into the future at life long commitment. His mind had become full of contradictions of which we were trying to sort out together. Was making art the best thing, how long can we continue skating and is marriage on the cards? In the end Blair didn't want to be lonely. He loved having friends as we all could tell and those who knew him well enough had a reciprocated relationship with him. It's heartbreaking to lose someone as close as Blair was (is). I can feel his warm presence here in Los Angeles within the studio he occupied this time last year. Lily can feel it too in his old Gertrude studio. So his parting isn't a clean break, especially someone as loving and kind as Blair. His memory lives on and still brings warmth to my heart when I think of all we went through and did in the short amount of time afforded to us. He'll continue to inspire me and I'll always think fondly of him.

and Blair, I forgive you for throwing a bottle at my head that time...I deserved it.

Brendan